


What a feeling

by Nenchen



Category: Good Omens (TV)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Aziraphale Loves Crowley (Good Omens), Aziraphale is Not Oblivious (Good Omens), Canon Compliant, Crowley Has Issues (Good Omens), Crowley Loves Aziraphale (Good Omens), Crowley Needs a Hug (Good Omens), Crowley is Bad at Feelings (Good Omens), Crowley is Oblivious (Good Omens), Falling In Love, Fluff and Angst, Humor, Idiots in Love, Light Angst, Love, Love Confessions, M/M, POV Crowley (Good Omens), Walnuts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-19
Updated: 2020-03-19
Packaged: 2021-02-28 17:28:16
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,127
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23220979
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nenchen/pseuds/Nenchen
Summary: When Crowley met Aziraphale, he felt a weird lurch in his stomach. He has been mulling it over ever since.
Relationships: Anathema Device/Newton Pulsifer, Aziraphale/Crowley (Good Omens), Sergeant Shadwell/Madame Tracy (Good Omens)
Comments: 35
Kudos: 107





	What a feeling

**Author's Note:**

> Once again, inspired by conversation in the wonderful ACE Omens Discord. Held accountable for delirious promises of writing by [V](https://archiveofourown.org/users/sillyvizion/pseuds/sillyvizion).

During all of his existence, Crowley had never been able to let go of the things he wanted to know. Half formed thoughts in his brain, weird things he saw, weird things he felt.

Back in heaven, he’d let all those questions out. It felt natural.

__

“What is that?” (A star. A galaxy.)

“How do I make these?” (Here let me show you.)

“Do you love the humans more than us?” (Silence.)

After? Not so much. He’d learned, the hardest way, that some questions shouldn’t be spoken aloud.

Still, they didn’t let go of him. Some things he just _had_ to know. So, he’d learned to ponder them by himself, silently, gears always turning, and he was delighted when he came to his first conclusions.

__

Eve has been sitting around and looking on nothing. Why? She is bored.

There is a forbidden fruit in this garden. What can I do with that? Tell the humans to eat it.

Some questions he could answer immediately. Others took longer.

And thus, when he met the angel, when they talked for the first time and when the angel extended a wing to protect him from the rain, and a weird feeling started to fill his stomach up to his throat, he immediately started his mental assessment of what this could be.

That day, he didn’t find any possible explanations.

When he had a stomach bug for the first time, it reminded him of that feeling. His stomach felt like it would much prefer to be outside his body, thank you very much.

But when he met the angel again, he decided, that this couldn’t be a sickness. It made his stomach churn and skin feel hot and flushed, but he also felt a certain pleasant sensation. A warmth like lying in the sun.

After a talk with some fellow demons (not about this, he had learned not to talk about his inner workings) he suspected a more sinister background. Some kind of weakening spell from the angel.

He had been in a foul mood then, in Rome, and the angel had found him. Had tempted him to oysters and conversations and seemed so pleased with the way they just weren’t doing anything but talk that Crowley had tossed that idea. The angel was too genuine to be trying to trick him. Or to succeed at least.

Crowley realized that, he needed more data if he was ever going to figure this out. And even not considering that, he simply wanted to be around the angel more. So he proposed “The Arrangement”.

He knew by now that it would take time and consideration for the angel to give in and he was happy to give him that. He could understand the need to think things through.

And when they finally agreed, and “The Arrangement” was formed, he found himself doing things for the angel that weren’t even covered by it. He wondered why doing so made him feel so warm and full, but the only answer his mind came up with was the angel’s smile.

It took Paris, and the angel almost getting discorporated to give him new insights into the situation.

The angel wanted to be around him too, in the same way. Badly enough to get himself into a situation that almost got him discorporated and then, instead of saving himself, wait for Crowley.

The angel also did not seem able to admit this.

Again, Crowley would wait. What for he wasn’t sure but there was a certain certainty that some puzzle pieces would fall in place when it happened.

Before that could happen though, some other things did.

In all of his time on earth, Crowley had also learned another thing. Other demons were not as indifferent to him as he was to them. And he found he didn’t want to fall prey to that. He liked being on earth, with the humans, and their wonderful, clever inventions and solving of mysteries and the angel. (There it was again, that now oh so familiar pang that drove him crazy in the most interesting way)

But he knew something from watching the humans: taking precautions.

After thinking long about the best way to take those precautions, he met up with the angel in St. James Park, to ask of him the one thing he was sure could protect him.

When his request was met with fury and denial instead of the expected help, the gears started turning in overdrive.

_He just did not understand._

The angel had always been delighted to have him around, he was sure of that. So why would he not want to ensure that things stayed this way? A part of Crowley told him the angel just wouldn’t go behind heaven's back. That it was just too risky for him. He could feel that this wasn’t the complete answer though. It didn’t explain the extreme shift in behavior from the angel.

Another thought for the pondering pile.

Their next meeting in a church, surrounded by Nazis, confirmed his doubts. The angel still wanted him around, still gave him that smile, still invited him for a nightcap into his space like he always had. He still wanted to share all of this with Crowley. And for that moment, it was enough.

Then.




He finally understood. His heart somersaulted as the angel chose him over heaven, faced with the choice to give Crowley holy water or have him get it himself.

The angel was _scared_ for him.

Scared of what holy water in his proximity could mean for himself.

For all of his thinking, Crowley had never wasted a thought on that scenario. He knew how dangerous it was. He knew and he was prepared, and he would take care.

But the angel hadn’t known.

As the angel left, asking for time to process this by telling Crowley he went too fast, Crowley was only thinking of how he could make up for this. He knew he would offer anything for them to return to their normal.

And for several decades, he succeeded. There were dinners, conversations, theatre visits and drunken ponderings of the world and its inhabitants blurred together, Crowley’s contentment only occasionally overshadowed by his curiosity.

He could accept not knowing why and what for now, and just enjoy it. He would find out someday, he was sure.

Then the antichrist was sent to earth for him to deliver, and the gears went right back to work. There was a time limit on this mystery now, one he wasn't sure he could make.

And thus, when he proposed his plan to directly influence the child into being neither evil nor good, he did want to save the world, but just as much he wanted to spend more time with the angel, get any hint, any clue as to what the answer was.

They posed as Nanny and Gardener and just as he had hoped, he found many answers. But they only gave him more questions.

__

Why am I angry when I hear other people call him disgusting looking? He is!

Why am I happy when he speaks to Warlock so softly?

Why do I like when he touches that flower so gently?

And then, their time was almost up, and with all of the panic and pain and anxiety that came with it he just couldn't follow _that_ line of thought. It was all taken over by worrying now. He had to save the angel. He _had_ to.

And he did. Well, him and the angel himself and actually it was mostly the humans.

After he was drained, with no energy left to mull over things. Just enough to appreaciate being still alive.

Still. Exhausted as he was, some images of the day wouldn’t leave him, and he pondered them as they rested together. The angel appearing in the bar after he thought he had been killed. The angel in the body of that ridiculous woman, lighting up when he saw him arrive. The angel standing with him, side by side to face certain doom. And also, the ridiculous woman and the book girl, looking at their new found partners like _that_. Something about it preyed on his mind. Wouldn’t let go.

The feeling only got stronger when the angel took his hand. When he agreed to stay with him. When Crowley saw him in his flat for the first time.

The answer was on the tip of his tongue, mocking him.

Aziraphale was talking, tutting about the state of his flat, something along the lines of “Really dear, where are you supposed to sit, surely not on that brick of cement pretending it’s a sofa” and he wasn’t annoyed. He was delighted. Why was he delighted to have the angel nag his choice of interior design?

And suddenly, he understood.

Triumphantly, he called out his observation, finishing the unspoken conversation they had had for millenia, ever since that first day.

“I LOVE you! That what that was! Can’t believe it took me so bloody long to figure that one out but sure feels good to finally have figured that one out… Angel? You okay?”

The angel, contrary to his previous statements, had taken to sitting on his couch with eyes as big as saucers, face pale.

“Angel?”

“You… you love me. You really do.”

“Have for ages apparently but figuring it out was a bit of a slow process. What’s wrong?”

The angel’s cheeks colored again. Oh no he started to look angry. Crowley just stood next to the couch, at a loss.

“What’s wrong? What is wrong with ME?” 

The angel slowly got up, expression furious, poking a finger into Crowley’s chest.

“You DAFT IDIOT couldn’t figure out you were in love with me for AGES? Meanwhile I had it figured out immediately and had to HIDE those feelings because I thought you didn’t reciprocate them since I couldn’t feel any love coming from you just because you ABSOLUTE GENIUS didn’t KNOW it yourself you”

The angel’s rant was cut off by a kiss. It was only a short touch of lips, but by the end of it neither of them had enough brainpower left to remember who had initiated it. Or to care about that.

They could only hold onto each other, both trembling from the force of the emotions rolling through them, the sheer happiness that filled them.

“Can you feel it now, angel?” Crowley croaked. He must have been crying, he realized.

The angel’s answering voice suggested he had been as well.

“I can, I can oh, my dear. I can feel it all.”

He sounded so happy. Besotted. Just like Crowley himself.

A shadow fell on the happy thoughts in Crowley’s head. Heaven and hell. This probably wouldn’t last for long.

“I won’t let them hurt you. I won’t let anyone hurt you. I can’t, angel.”

The angel, used to his sudden jumps in topic knew exactly what he meant.

“Oh, dear me, I completely forgot. I think I have the prophecy figured out. And a plan. Let’s talk about it a bit, shall we?”

He made move to extract himself from Crowley, who held on tighter in return.

“No, please. Explain but…. I can’t let go. Not now.”  
  


Aziraphale’s voice was full of warmth and understanding when he said “Of course.”

And with that, an angel and a demon made a plan to escape revenge from heaven and hell respectively. And they succeeded. And they celebrated at the Ritz. And then they went back to a certain bookshop to celebrate some more.

And when they had celebrated enough, calmed down and sat on the old sofa just cuddling the angel asked the demon.

“Why didn’t you tell me about the feelings you had in regards to me earlier? I could have helped you figure them out. Surely you knew that I would never use that to harm you, love? At least in the later parts of our relationship.”

The demon buried his head in the other’s neck in response. He doubted he would ever get used to being called “love”.

“Sure, angel, it’s just. I’m used to figuring things out on my own. Asking questions didn’t do me any good before so. Yeah. Not like it would have helped to know anyway right, since there was no way we could have done anything about it with heaven and hell breathing down our necks.”

The angel responded by gripping him tighter and nodding into his neck.

Then, after a long pause in which the angel must have been thinking, he dropped a kiss in Crowley’s hair.

“I may not always be able to answer, my dear, but I promise you. You will always be welcome to ask me anything.”

**Author's Note:**

> Come visit my tumblr at [goodduckingomens](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/goodduckingomens). Comments and Kudos very much motivate me, so please leave some if you had fun. Keysmash comments appreaciated for the true Crowleys out there.


End file.
